Insights from an experienced ADHD Parent Coach
I’m delighted to share this thoughtful piece from Jodi Hogan, one of our highly skilled ADHD Parent Coaches and the lead facilitator of my ADHD Parent Coach Academy training program. Jodi has a gift for translating complex social-emotional challenges into clear, compassionate guidance for families.
If you’re raising a child with ADHD who struggles socially – or if you simply want to understand this topic more deeply – her insights will resonate.
Here’s Jodi’s piece
A mom I recently worked with told me her 10-year-old came home from school saying, “No one wants to sit with me at lunch.” It broke her heart to hear that. Her son is bright, funny, and full of energy – but he blurts things out, interrupts, and sometimes misses familiar social cues. His classmates like him, but they don’t always know how to understand him.
If you’re raising a child with ADHD, that probably sounds familiar. The impulsivity, distractibility, and intensity that come with ADHD can make it harder for kids to connect socially. With patience, guidance, and practice, these skills can grow. Here are five ways to help.
1. Lead with Empathy and Understanding
Kids with ADHD usually know the “right” thing to do – they just can’t always access the skill in the moment. When your child interrupts or reacts strongly, it’s rarely defiance; it’s a developing skill.
Start with empathy before correction. For example: “You were excited to share your idea. It’s hard to wait when your brain is moving fast.”
This small shift helps your child feel understood and keeps them open to learning. In 8 Keys to Parenting Kids & Teens with ADHD, Cindy explains that connection lays the groundwork for all skill-building. When children feel safe – not shamed – they are more capable of change.
2. Teach One Skill at a Time
Many social behaviors we expect from children are actually skills – and skills must be taught, modeled, and practiced. As Cindy writes in 8 Keys, “Children do well when they can, and when they can’t, it’s our job to help them learn how.”
“Be nice” or “make friends” is too broad. Choose one small, concrete skill your child can practice, such as:
• taking turns when talking
• asking to join a game
• noticing when someone looks bored or upset
Break the skill down and teach it explicitly. You can role-play at home or pause a TV show and wonder aloud what a character might say or do next. Keep it short and low-pressure. The goal is gentle, repeated practice – not perfection.
If you want to dive deeper into how to teach these skills, the Calm and Connected parent workshop is designed to help parents understand behavior, build emotional regulation, and create shared solutions with their children.
3. Coach Before and After, Not During
The “teachable moment” is often not in the moment. Kids learn more effectively when they’re calm, not embarrassed or corrected in front of peers.
Before: “At the park today, let’s practice asking someone if you can play.”
After: “How did it go? What worked well? What felt hard?”
This kind of reflection builds awareness without shame and helps your child notice what supports their success.
If you’re unsure how to structure these conversations or what to look for, working with one of our Parent Coaches can help you learn how to guide your child without stepping into rescue mode or criticism.
4. Create Chances for Success
Social success grows in the right environment. One-on-one playdates generally run more smoothly than large groups. Structured activities like robotics, art, or martial arts help interactions feel more predictable and positive.
Remember: not every child needs a large friend group. For many kids with ADHD, one or two kind, accepting friends can be exactly what they need.
5. Notice the Good Moments
When your child shows kindness, patience, or flexibility, catch it right away.
“I liked how you waited for your friend to finish. That took effort.”
“You handled it well when she didn’t want to play your game.”
Positive reinforcement helps kids connect their effort to success and motivates them to keep trying. As Cindy often says, “What you pay attention to grows.”
Progress may feel slow at times, but every step matters. When kids feel supported and understood, their confidence – and their social skills – begin to grow.
If you’d like guidance in helping your child develop these skills, you’re not alone. Our Parent Coaches can help you understand what’s getting in your child’s way, teach you practical tools to use at home, and guide your family toward calmer, more connected relationships. You may also find our Calm and Connected parent workshop helpful for learning the underlying philosophies and strategies that make these changes possible.
If this sounds like something your family could benefit from, please reach out to schedule a Parent Consultation. We’re here to help.
