A decade of reflection with Debbie Reber
Ten years ago, conversations about neurodivergence sounded very different. In this reflective conversation with Debbie Reber, we look at what’s changed, what still feels hard for families (especially in schools), and why understanding has to keep evolving.
I was recently a guest on Debbie Reber’s Tilt Parenting Podcast (Helping Kids with ADHD Thrive Without Losing Yourself). As we prepared for the conversation, Debbie and I found ourselves reflecting on how much has changed in the world of ADHD, neurodiversity, and parenting over the past decade.
Debbie and I first met in 2018 through a professional program focused on supporting children with ADHD. At the time, both of us were deeply committed to shifting the dominant narrative around neurodivergent kids. I had just released the first edition of my book, 8 Keys to Parenting Kids & Teens with ADHD, and Debbie was launching what would become the Tilt Parenting community.
In the years since we met, both of us have spent thousands of hours with families, educators, and professionals, watching real cultural change unfold in real time. After recording the podcast, I invited Debbie to share some of her reflections on this evolution.
Below is a written version of our discussion.
What’s Changed in the Neurodivergence Conversation – A Decade After Launching Tilt Parenting?
Cindy: Debbie, when you launched Tilt Parenting ten years ago, you were talking about “differently wired” kids long before the language of “neurodivergence” entered mainstream parenting. What motivated you in the beginning?
Debbie: When I started Tilt back in 2016, I felt like I was shouting into the void. Most parents I knew were quietly struggling, feeling isolated, blamed, and unsure where to turn. I was raising a very complex neurodivergent young person and desperately wanted to find others living this “upside-down” version of parenting.
Back then, words like neurodivergent, pathological demand avoidance, executive function, and sensory profile were rarely used outside professional spaces. Most families were still hearing about ADHD or autism only through a medical or deficit lens. Tilt became my way of saying to parents: You’re not alone, there’s nothing wrong with your child, and you don’t have to apologize for who they are.
Cindy: You often use the word “revolution” when describing the work you do. What does that mean to you?
Debbie: In the beginning, it felt almost radical to say, “My child is different, and that’s not a problem.” The dominant cultural narrative was deficit-based: schools focused on behavior, pediatricians emphasized pathology, and parents were told their job was to “manage” their child.
The revolution I wanted to spark wasn’t about diagnosis, it was about agency, dignity, visibility, and shifting the lens from “fixing” kids to understanding them. We needed a vocabulary that recognized strengths, validated needs, and valued authentic identity.
The revolution is absolutely underway now, but we still have a long road ahead.
Cindy: I remember those early conversations so clearly. Even back in 2018, we were both pushing against the same outdated narrative, this idea that kids needed to be “managed” or molded. Your focus on dignity and visibility has always aligned closely with the work I do through Calm & Connected and the ADHD Parent Coach Academy. We’re both helping parents look beneath the behavior, understand the brain, and replace judgment with compassion. It’s powerful to see how far this movement has come… and how much further we still need to go.
A lot has changed in ten years. What feels different now?
Debbie: So much has shifted. A few big changes:
We have a new shared language. Parents now talk about sensory needs, executive function, nervous-system regulation, burnout, masking, and co-regulation — everyday terms now, but rare a decade ago.
“Neurodivergence” isn’t radical anymore. What felt out there in 2016 is now the baseline for so many conversations. We’re not arguing about the existence of difference anymore; we’re asking how to support it.
More neurodivergent voices are leading. Ten years ago, there were only a handful of adult autistic and ADHD voices out there. Now the ecosystem is full of autistic educators, ADHD specialists, PDA researchers, and neurodivergent therapists shaping the conversation.
Parents don’t feel as alone. This might be the most meaningful shift. When the podcast started, most parents were quietly struggling. Today, parents are building communities, joining groups, advocating, and finding solidarity instead of shame.
Cindy: I feel that shift so deeply, too. When I first began this work, many parents were suffering in silence, convinced they were alone or that their child’s struggles reflected a failure on their part. Now, I see parents sharing more openly, without the shame or embarrassment that was so common back then.
Being at the Annual Conference on ADHD this year felt almost like a celebration. Parents were gathering, connecting, swapping stories, asking questions, and discovering just how powerful a supportive community can be. It’s remarkable how much strength emerges when parents realize they don’t have to navigate ADHD behind closed doors.
Given all this progress, what’s still really hard, especially for families raising kids with ADHD?
Debbie: School. Even as awareness has evolved, so many systems, especially education, still operate from a traditional behavior-and-compliance mindset. Parents are navigating punitive behavior systems, unrealistic expectations for executive function, homework battles, teacher misunderstandings, and advocacy fatigue. This is often where ADHD families feel the biggest mismatch between what their child needs and what a system is willing or able to provide.
Cindy: I hear this every single day from parents, and I see it firsthand in the schools I travel to across the country. Teachers genuinely care, but many are overwhelmed and simply haven’t been given the training or tools to understand ADHD or executive function through a developmental lens rather than a behavioral one.
It’s why I’ve dedicated so much of my work to bridging that gap. When teachers learn why kids struggle, not just how they struggle, everything changes. Classrooms become calmer, relationships strengthen, and kids who were once labeled “difficult” are suddenly understood. That’s why I created the ADHD Teacher Trainer Academy: to equip educators with the same knowledge and mindset shifts parents receive, so families and schools aren’t working in two different worlds.
The need remains enormous, but when parents and teachers are taught from the same foundation of understanding, children finally receive the consistent support they deserve.
What surprised you most about the last decade?
Debbie: How many adults realized they were neurodivergent, too. As parents began learning about regulation, executive function, emotional intensity, sensory needs, and masking, many suddenly recognized their childhood selves. A large number of parents in the Tilt community have gone on their own diagnostic or identity journeys. The intergenerational nature of this revolution has been huge.
Cindy: What do you most hope parents raising ADHD kids take away from the past decade of change?
Debbie: That there’s nothing wrong with their child. There’s nothing broken. There’s nothing to fix.
There’s adjusting, there’s understanding, there’s supporting, and there’s celebrating.
Our job isn’t to shape our kids into something more typical – it’s to help them thrive as exactly who they already are.
Cindy: Hearing you say this brings me back to the heart of my own work, and to the message that has become my North Star: Parent the Child you Have.
For so many parents – especially those raising kids with ADHD – this perspective is both a relief and a radical shift. It invites us to let go of guilt, soften the comparisons, and stop trying to engineer our children into someone they were never meant to be. Instead, it allows us to truly see, understand, and support the remarkable humans they already are.
This philosophy is at the core of my newly updated book, 8 Keys to Parenting Kids & Teens with ADHD. Parents can download the entire introductory chapter, along with the Parent Wheel and Student Wheel, here: ptscoaching.com/free-gifts.
If the past decade has shown us anything, it’s that when we honor who our children are – not who we fear they won’t become – we give them the foundation they need to grow with confidence, resilience, and joy.
